Author: Psalmer Joy

Resurrected HOPE

I once lived in the magnificent forest of DESTINY.
I was the master gardener, planting seeds into her reality.
My name is HOPE and I diligently watched over all growing things.
I carried a jar of seeds and I picked the perfect spot for them to proudly beam.
My jar was labeled “PSALMER JOY” and I planted every seed that would appear.
Whether good or bad, I only saw the seed and I planted some far and some so near.
There were no judges nor jury. No words of condemnation were ever heard.
The seed would grow and manifest into its purpose to serve.
Every seed planted had a purpose and this was my sole mission
It gave me life. It gave me strength and meaning. This was my only vision.
No matter what grew, I maintained the forest floor,
Keeping it all in balance despite the chaos
As I trimmed and pruned the overgrowth.
I was the answer for remember my name was HOPE.

As years passed, my jar of seeds became less and soon lighter in weight.
Yet, I remained optimistic. I figured it was just Psalmer’s temporary state.
I just knew she would fill my jar back with her desires and wonderful yearnings.
But things changed and the seeds stopped. I could feel her heart…it was slowly turning.
There was no light…no prayers…no will to follow the light. No will to truly live.
Just thoughts of doom and despair. The darkness in her heart turned it cold as steel.

Nevertheless, I continued to wait. I still had to tend to the remaining trees.
But my strength grew less, year by year, until I felt my last breath leave.
It felt like sleep though. There was no pain. I just needed on little seed of faith.
One seed of faith had the power to call my name!
But it never came!
So I laid motionless. Nothing flowed through my veins.
With no gardener, the forest floor became wild and untamed.
Soon the bad overpowered the good. Her life dramatically changed.

My body now covered under feet of dirt.
I wanted to reach out to her, but she was clouded by her lost and now her constant hurt.
Who would have imagined….
HOPE buried in the darkness of life.
Who would have imagined…
The forest of DESTINY filled with this constant night.
No dreams. No passions. No desires. This could not be right!
Still…I wait….
I wait on Psalmer Joy….I wait on the LADY OF LIGHT!

“I’m coming for you….And you will be just for me, too!”

I feel myself getting closer to my last friend, HOPE.
I come to a thickened forest. She is here. This I know!
I enter into the darkness, pushing away the weeds that entangle my feet.
I push away the negativity, the doubts that try to convince me of my defeat.
I cut down the vines of disappointments, the prickly thorns of rejection.
I step on the poisonous leaves of suicide as I shout, “He doesn’t require perfection!”
I make my way through the overgrowth of my past and I press to find my friend!
I push my way through; knowing she still lives here for HOPE has no true end.

I make my way and I feel the light in me pulsate brighter and stronger.
I finally get to a headstone of someone no longer.
As I get closer, I read it:

“Here lies HOPE, giver of life to all dreams in Psalmer’s heart.
Now, she lie bodily still waiting for LIGHT to enter the dark.
Say the name. Release your faith and her heart will once again start.”

Through my tears and painful sobs, my lips begin to part.
I scream out “JESUS, our blessed HOPE and SAVIOR I never forgot!”
Repeatedly, I say the name of “JESUS” until I am restored all that was lost!
The ground begins to shake and rumble. Then, the grave splits open.
I step back in great anticipation as I see my HOPE rising in slow motion.
She sees me. I see her. The connection is back and my seeds start back flowing.
All my heart’s desires, I put back in her hands as she immediately begins sowing.

His LIGHT meets my HOPE, triggering the end of his mission to restore that which was lost. The last light beam shoots vertically in the sky to the exact location of the “Wellspring of Light”. All my friends have been found, LOVE, PEACE, JOY and HOPE and they beckon me to ascend to our place of wholeness. I dare not delay. I dare not waste another moment. I fly directly into the bright light, knowing the way, knowing that this path is right!

Identical Twins

My memories are back and I remember it all!
I especially remember my best friend, named Joy, I recall.
Yes! That’s her. We were considered identical twins with the same name and heart.
We did everything together and you couldn’t even tell us apart.
We loved laughing and dancing…oh, and playing games were our favorite.
We spent hours playing hide and seek. She was so natural at it…a perfect fit.
She found the best hiding spots; and though I would become discouraged and spiteful,
I kept looking for her in the details and soon I would see her and it was so delightful!
No matter what was going on in life, she always wanted me to play.
She knew that JOY was in everything if only you pay attention and look her way.

One day, while looking for her in the mess of life, I found another girl standing by a tree.
When she saw me, she jumped, waved, and screamed at me.
I went over to quickly say hello and resume my game.
She said her name was Happiness. Her and Joy almost looked the same.
She took me by hand. We played and ran, and she gave me the biggest hug.
I wanted to find my twin, but Happiness was so much fun.
She wasn’t hiding. She was here with me as we basked in the Sun.
Life was good. Life was right. Everyone was merry and gay.
But just as the Sun rose, it soon started to descend and go away.
Happiness was there one minute; and as soon as night descended,
She disappeared like a ghost in the night. At first, I didn’t comprehend it.
She left me just like that. I had not found Joy and Happiness was gone.
I was left…just me and my thoughts. I felt abandoned as I cried alone.

The next day, Happiness was back in the same spot,
Waving and motioning for me to come as if nothing had happened, believe it or not.

I asked, “What happens at night? Why do you disappear?”
She said, “Oh, I only live in the Sun. Nighttime, I stay clear.
Bad times, I don’t like and I can’t live in the place that I fear.”

Now, I could see that Her and Joy were definitely not the same
And I ran away from Happiness and called out Joy’s name.
I looked for her in all her usual spots.
I came up empty and thought all is finally lost.
I sat down and cried. I missed my twin. I missed our games.
Happiness came and hugged me, but it was not the same.
I knew her time with me was limited and she would be no more;
I would be left alone again; however, Happiness is what I settled for.

Years passed, I learned Happiness routine and thought this was how life was to be.
Only in my dreams, would I see Joy and wondered how to get her back to me.
I knew she missed me just as much as I did;
But where, oh, where was she? Would she stay forever hid?
Did she think I did not love her and that was an unforgivable sin?!
Oh, how I wish she knew the tremendous love and desire I have for her within!
That life has not been the same without her and I often thought of death!
Without Joy, my life had no true meaning, as I wanted to take the life from myself.

Yes…I remember my precious twin named Joy.
And, now, I’m here looking for her again to complete my story.
So I start looking for the breadcrumbs,

“Weeping may endure for the night, but JOY comes in the morning!”

Ahhh…the morning…I remember now!
We loved to watch the Sunrise as we saw God’s pure glory!
Yes, that’s it…I know what I have to do and Joy will back apart of my journey.

I fly to our favorite spot in the grass while the sky is still filled with darkness.
I wait patiently knowing I will finally see Joy and no longer have to feel hopeless.
The shade of the sky begins to transition from dark to light.
I close my eyes as I feel the Sun fall on my face. Then, I feel that familiar delight.
I smile as my heart starts to flutter. I picture my beautiful twin before my eyes.
I know she is near…I feel her in my spirit first. Then I hear a familiar “Hi!”
I open my eyes with great expectation. Pure Joy is finally mines as I release a thankful sigh.
The Sun beam shines on us as we dance and sing praises to the Most High!

His LIGHT meets my JOY, triggering the end of his mission to restore that which was lost. As we hug, our bodies begin to merge into one being with the same heart…the same spirit. We are finally one. She is no longer one that I have to find. I have found her and I carry her wherever I go. A bright beam of light projects from me into the sky and I know the place it is illuminating. Nevertheless, I have to continue my search for the last piece of my journey.

Vessel of Peace

Extravagant Love

There stands a 12 year-old boy in front of a massive boulder. One day, he awoke and felt a pull to this exact location. He places his small, young, fresh hand against the rock and smiles. He instantly knows what to do. He runs home, looks in an abandoned toolbox, and finds a hammer and chisel. He runs back to the rock. He knows that something worthwhile lies inside this hard, stubborn rock that has existed for millions and millions of years. He can see it. He can feel it. He hears its’ heartbeat. The thought of him holding it in his hand gives him the strength to deliver the first blow. 

Bang!

A small chip of rock falls off. The size does not matter! He knows it will take time and time he freely has. This young boy knows without a doubt that this…this work is what he was placed here for and trust in it completely. He hits it again. 

Bang! Each strike with excitement. 

“Closer…I’m one piece closer!”

Bang! Bang! Bang!

“I’m coming for you! And you will be just for me, too!”

Bang! Bang! Bang!

He hits and carves his way until a visible dent is made and night is upon him. Satisfied with his work, he places his instruments in his pockets and heads home for dinner and sleep. His home is only for his nourishment and rest, but his purpose is at the rock. Despite his closed eyes and full belly, he longs to be back at the rock. His dreams are filled with images of his treasure. His hunger is for the greatest gift that ever existed in creation and no one else can see it but him. It will be his and his only!

He rises with the Sun. Grabs his tools. There is no time for delay. His mission drives and propels him forward to that familiar spot. He eagerly begins his work. 

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Days pass. 

Bang! Bang! Bang! 

Months pass. 

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Years and years pass. His age increases with time. His strikes deepen with the growth of strength in his muscles. He is able to make great progress day by day. Many by-standers and travelers wonder the purpose of his digging. They scream,

“What are you looking for?! There is nothing there, son!”

His reply, “Just wait and see. This treasure is meant just for me!”

They call him crazy, delirious, possessed, delusional. Even some take pity on him and offer other tools to help. They present him with “advanced tools”, rock-crushing machinery, and even dynamite saying, 

“Please, take this young man. It will be quicker and easier. Don’t use all your strength. You will die of exhaustion!”

His only reply, “Just wait and see. I am willingly to sacrifice all of me!”

You see, this young man has wisdom beyond the numerical count of his age. He knows that any tool other than his hammer and chisel will compromise the integrity of this rock and his treasure will be lost forever. Even though it is a massive and dense rock, it is still delicate like a feather floating in the wind. Care and diligence must be taken if he is to reap the rewards. He declines every offer of assistance.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Many more years pass and it shows in the color of his hair, in the waves imprinted on his skin, and in the sound of his breathing. The small indentation in the rock has turned into a narrow, mile-long tunnel. The labor of his love is felt against the hand-chiseled walls that lead into the core, the heart of the rock. Every hit, now, is made softly as he feels he is in the vicinity of his adorned treasure. The rock is not as dense and it crumbles with just a finger touch. Oh, yes!  He is close indeed and tears flow with every soft, caring strike saying, 

“I’m coming for you!! And you will be just for me, too!”

Clang!

He stops.  That sound is different from the past sounds he has heard these last 40 years. That is the sound of something greater than the surrounding elements. Something is there and he knows it’s his long awaited treasure! He puts down his tools and uses his hands to push away the crumbling rock and grab the large hard mass. He holds it with both hands. It looks like another rock…dark, dull, irregular in size and shape, but his hands, his eyes, his heart sees past the outward.  The Light in him knows…this is the diamond of LOVE! 

His LIGHT meets my LOVE, triggering the end of his mission to restore that which was lost. The light explodes and passes into the large diamond. A bright beam of light projects vertically into the sky, completely absorbing the old man.. All that is left of the man and his treasure is LIGHT, illuminating the “Wellspring of Light”.

I see the light beam from the sky. I have been flying and searching for my place of wholeness and now it is clearly visible.  I fly passionately to the light beam…no matter the distance…no matter the cost. 

Grace for Evolution

I’m standing on the mountaintop of transformation,
And I hear Father say “Higher…come higher.”
But the mountains are no longer.
The land mass stretches no further…
Just the vastness of the sky.
I only see eagles as they soar by.
The only way higher is not with the strength of my legs,
But by the wings of something not human.

How can He say “Higher” when my current state is limited?
How?!
I look down and there is a cocoon open waiting for me to get in it.
Could it be? Could the impossible be this simple?
I’m taking a step of faith and surrender my human temple.

Inside this cocoon…it’s dark and I feel the voidness
Yet, I feel the light burning creating a new wholeness.
His divine grace meets my biological restrictions
He is here to assist me in this divine morphogenesis!
The legs I once stood on for strength and power diminishes in size and shape.
They will no longer be responsible for my journey to my fate.
But they are still needed…only for stability and a walking gait.
My arms begin to stretch in length…
My hands and fingers retract inward until they no longer exist.
My arms curve and bend into the shape of a wing.
Father, I can’t believe it…I no longer feel like a human being.
As tears fall down my skin, my eyes shift into a new range and perception
I can see through this cocoon with such vivid resolution
I feel myself shrinking and developing new skin
That continues to grow outward into feathers long and broad
I feel different but the light still burns inside me hard!
My heart beats different.
It desires something new and no longer of the old
It beats and longs for things I’ve never been told!

I move in this cocoon not as human but a winged thing
I’m ready to break out and live life unseen.
My feathered body grows and stretches, breaking my birthing place
I push through and see this new body that’s only possible by His grace.
I hear “Higher”
You see…He had to make me lighter
He had to morph me into something with a different power.
I stretch my wings wide and I’m ready to soar higher.

The winds of revelation begin to lift and guide me
Until my new wings flap and move with familiarity.
The rhythm and sequence of flight quickly becomes like walking.
I am moving and soaring further and higher with the other birds flocking.
This feeling of flying brings back memories from a past time in my being.
I see flashes and glimpses of a life in my early beginnings.
It’s like I was here in this place that is unknown to the living.
The light hits my eyes and its’ brightness brings back clear remembrance.
Now, I know…this is the place I started my very own existence.
And I had four friends and the wellspring of light was my place destined.
My four friends…Love, Peace, Hope, and Joy
Yes! I remember them! We dwelled continually in God’s limitless glory.
Oh, God! Where are my friends?
I must find them, so we can return to our wellspring flow,
Where wholeness can be mine and for the world to know.
Lead me, Father…just tell me where and I will obediently go.

Preface

I wholeheartedly believe that at the beginning of life, as we entered into the world, we had connection with “four friends” named Love, Peace, Hope, and Joy. We were one with them and they were one with us. We dwelled in a place I call the “Wellspring of Light”, a place of wholeness, a place of purpose. As a new arrival to this world, My infant body knew not evil…I knew not suffering nor emptiness. My life was full. My heart was whole. My spirit connected to the Giver of life. My mind was clean and pure.

As life proceeded with time, my four friends drifted away and became harder to grasp and keep close by. Interactions with mankind and its’ flaws weakened my spirit, stripped by heart, overloaded my mind until my “Wellspring of Light” became an impossible place to get back to. Soon my memory of that place of wholeness faded as I chased the trivial things of life, thinking it would be a good replacement. But it never did. It just left a deeper void…an empty space that remained no matter the quantity of things and people I acquired.

This is my journey of my yearning to get back to my “Wellspring of Light”. This is my story back connected to purpose with a fight. Come join me on this spectacular flight!